Guest Blogger Elanie Turso from Elaine Turso Photography shares with us how to STOP the cycle of self-hate associated with weight, body shaming, emotional eating and related issues.  Every week Elaine gets to meet and hang out with beautiful women who on their journey of self-discovery.  She gets to meet cool kids who are graduating high school and are about to go out and change the world with their awesomeness, as well as fellow business owners to help them with their personal branding photos for their website and business cards.

how to stop body shaming self hate

One thing I love about Elaine is that she operates a body-positive studio. You are not allowed to talk bad about yourself in her presence!  She says, “My soul dies every time I hear someone make snide comments about themselves, like, ‘can you photoshop me to be thinner? I need to lose weight first. I don’t want to break your camera.’ NO. Don’t do it. There will be consequences.”

Here is her amazing blog on how to stop the self-hate cycle.

Are you insecure about your body?
Can you look at yourself naked in the mirror and smile?
Do you criticize your body because it’s not ‘perfect’?
Say “If I lose ___ pounds, then I’ll be happy”

Thunder Thighs.

Muffin Top.

Fat Ass.

Flabby Arms.

Double Chin.

Crow’s Feet.

Stretch Marks.

Back Fat.

Small Boobs.

Big Boobs.

Saggy Skin.

Ever said one of those hateful things about yourself out loud?

Ever said them in front of your children?

If you are being honest with yourself, and I hope that you will, your answer is probably yes to both.

I’m begging you… Don’t be like me. Stop the cycle of self-hate. It can end with you.

When my daughter was about 12 years old, I heard her complain about her “thunder thighs”. Shocked, and utterly flabbergasted, I quickly told her she was crazy and told her that I WISH I had her thighs…. (By the way, I know now that was not the right way to respond.) I should have done so many things differently. I should have engaged her, I should have listened,  I should have this, I should have that. I could beat myself up over that moment…

One day for some reason, the Tyra Banks show was on. It was an interesting topic and I sat down to watch. It was a show with mothers and daughters. They were marking up photos of their bodies with all of the things that they didn’t like about themselves. It was crazy. I was shocked, yet intrigued. And the “Psychiatrist” guest speaker said something that I will never forget…

“Daughters do not want to be better than their mothers”.

Girls don’t simply decide to hate their bodies, we teach them to. Source:


Wait, what???

Our daughters look at us as PERFECT human beings. They see us with loving eyes, they see us for the one that wipes their tears, kisses their boo-boos and gives them cuddles whenever they need it. They don’t see our flaws, they don’t see our imperfections. They don’t think we need to lose weight. They see past all of that. They want to be JUST LIKE US. (Even though they might not admit it)

When we spew self-hatred out of our mouths, we are essentially telling them that there is something wrong with them too. Remember, they don’t want to be better than us.

If we have thunder thighs, then maybe they do too?

If we complain about our stretch marks, maybe they should complain too? I mean, we don’t want mommy to hate herself all by herself, right?
The moment that my daughter complained about her thunder thighs, I knew that she had heard that come out of my mouth. My self-hating complaint turned into her insecurity. WHAT HAVE I DONE?

“At its most extreme, self-hatred can lead people to retreat into substance use, suicidal and other self-destructive behaviors, or violence toward others.” (Source:  I know you don’t want that for your or your children. Again, please don’t be like me.

My daughter has always been athletic. On the cheer squad, lifting girls over her head, she was strong. Her thighs are PURE MUSCLE. Without those muscular legs, she would not have been able to do those things.

how to stop the cycle of self-hate with body issues

My daughter was teased for the size of her thighs. One day, I was “snooping”, and discovered she had an “Ask” page. (By the way, do NOT let your child have one of these pages). Someone asked her “How much do your thunder thighs weigh”? Her response was clever, “2 boxes of pizza, and 3 boxes of Chinese food”. But I knew that it stung. (SIDE NOTE RANT: Why on earth people feel it’s ok to talk about another’s body, is beyond me. Even if you think you are giving a compliment, just don’t. It’s not your place to give unsolicited comments/feedback about someone’s weight loss/gain, their shape, none of it.)

Another recent occasion happened when I was driving my daughter’s friend home, and her friend complained out loud that she was fat. My daughter began to cry. She said, “How do you think that makes me feel? You are smaller and thinner than I am, so does that make ME fat?” That was a very quiet car ride.

I spend my days focused on empowering women through photography. Let me tell you, she is my most challenging client. She complains about every little non-existent flaw. Her eyes, her waist, her thighs, her hair, her smile, everything. In our minds, our children are perfect. We love them unconditionally. We don’t want them to change a thing. We know that if we erase their flaws and imperfections, we erase their unique individuality.

Let me say that again. If YOU were to erase YOUR flaws and imperfections, YOU would erase YOUR unique individuality.

No one is like you. No one. No one has your mind, your heart, your soul. You are a unique and special person.

But, she is plagued with these unrealistic ideals of beauty. Everyday. Instagram is full of girls who probably took 100 photos of themselves before they’d post one they liked. She sees commercials telling her that she is not good enough unless she uses their products. She sees magazines with photoshopped models who you probably could not even recognize on the street because they’ve been altered so much. Have you seen the dove commercial? Yeah. That’s so wrong on so many levels.

So what do we say/do when we hear our children or someone we love, say hurtful things about themselves? How can you turn your own negative thoughts around? Trading self-hate for self-love is not easy. But it IS possible.

Here are some tips:

  • Start a “swear jar” – If you or someone in your home is using self-hate talk, they have to put money in a jar that is donated to a charity of your choosing. And for the love of all that is holy…Do not ask your husband, “Do these jeans make me look fat” EVER AGAIN! It will cost you! (Did you know there is a swear jar app?)
  • Focus on the positive – Turn that self-hate talk into an opportunity to focus on what you DO love about yourself. If you are caught self-hating, you should say 5 things you LOVE out loud. Say it until you mean it.
  • Curb comparisons – ever wish you “looked like her”? You never will. It’s not attainable. It’s not reality. Let it go. Focus on being the best YOU. Give back. Be positive. Be a good friend. Remember this quote “I’m not beautiful like you, I’m beautiful like Me”. It’s true. Remove those Instagram gals who make you feel inferior. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
  • Gentle reminders – Positive quotes plastered in places that you will see every day. Pinterest is full of them. Find one that sings to you. Put one by your mirror. Your car. Your office. Let that sink in until you believe it. Wholeheartedly believe it. My favorite is “Be your own kind of beautiful”. To me, that means, be unique. You get to decide what beautifully is, no one else’s definition is going to be your definition.
  • Do you exist in photographs? Will you have a legacy left behind for your family? Have you been avoiding the camera because you didn’t like your appearance and you wanted to change it “first”? It’s time to GET PHOTOGRAPHED…. NOW!!!!!!!!! I know this may sound like a plug for my business, but I am hoping that you will take my advice. Whether it’s a family photo, a glamour shoot, a boudoir shoot, a selfie… I don’t care. Be photographed. Begin your legacy. Accept yourself. Be photographed and review the photos WITHOUT criticizing yourself during or after your session. I have a rule in my studio… there’s no self-hate talk allowed. Not tolerated. Find a photographer that will stick to that rule. If they don’t have it, ask them to help you through it. It’s easy to complain about yourself, it’s harder to love/accept yourself. But I have faith that you can do it.
  • Talk it out – tell someone that you trust that you are on this journey of self-discovery. You may have a bad day and need someone to help you work it out. Ask them to be your beauty buddy. Sometimes though, you really need help from a professional. They are fully equipped with the tools to help you work through some trauma that may be preventing you from changing your mindset. Don’t be afraid to get that help.
  • Surround yourself with positive people – make a rule that there will not be any self-hate talk when you are out with your girlfriends, etc… Don’t give in to the group self-hate game. Don’t do it! If you hear your friend say or you see them post something negative online, CALL THEM OUT on it! Sometimes, they don’t even realize they are doing it!     (“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”  ― John Joseph Powell)

Stop the cycle of self-hate. It starts with you. It’s possible that you heard your beautiful mother complain about herself. And I know you think your mother is the most beautiful woman in the world, why would she say those things about herself? (See what I did there?) Imagine your children saying that about YOU.


how to stop body shaming self-hate

“Beauty isn’t about having a pretty face it’s about having a pretty mind, a pretty heart, and a pretty soul.” ― Drake

You are worth loving. You are worthy of existing. And none of that worth has anything to do with your appearance!

More awesome quotes to share:
“If you had a person in your life treating you the way you treat yourself, you would have gotten rid of them a long time ago…” ― Cheri Huber,

“When you stop living your life based on what others think of you real life begins. At that moment, you will finally see the door of self-acceptance opened.” ― Shannon L. Alder

“Your skin is your skin. Your legs are your legs. Your hair is your hair. Your smile is your smile. Your past is your past. You can waste your life hating these things, but you may as well learn to accept them. Both routes are difficult and full of pain, but with acceptance, you will be happy one day, while with hatred, you never will.” ― Vironika Tugaleva

“Self-hatred is self-imprisonment. Self-forgiveness is self-liberation. You have the right to suppress yourself, oppress yourself and depress yourself. You have the right to impress yourself too. Feel happy!” ― Israelmore Ayivor

“Self-hatred is the inevitable byproduct of the culture of narcissism in which we all have been reared. We learn from day one how special and wonderful we are. Or conversely, and perhaps more pervasively, we do not learn this at all and instead are subjected to glorified views of others through the media whom we idealize and envy. At the root of it all are inappropriate expectations about life, about ourselves, and an overvaluation of self that breeds profound isolation.” ― Melissa Grabau

Connect with Elaine at here, take the ‘I am Perfectly Imperfect Pledge’ and stay in the loop with more inspiration from her!

Original Post:

Are you ready to stop hating yourself?

Ready to change the relationship you have with your body? Are you ready to be happy and finally achieve the wellness you’ve always wanted?

Hello, my name is Coach Emmie, owner of Blissfully Healthy Women’s Wellness Center,where I specialize in helping women break free from emotional eating and redesign their lifestyle so that they finally love their body and the life they are living.

I have been in your shoes. I overcame body hatred and emotional eating and as a side effect, I released 50 pounds.  I know the pitfalls of trying to control emotional eating and hating every inch of my body. And, especially understand the ins and outs of overcoming emotional eating. Since finding my solution to my emotional and physical wellness, I’ve dedicated my life to helping other women who have these same struggles achieve the same results!

Where do you start in order to have a breakthrough in emotional eating?

In my experience of coaching hundreds of women over the past 10 years, one of the first things that creates a breakthrough is loving you. Stop body shaming yourself. OK, before you click “delete” let me explain a little more.

I know what you are thinking, “How can I love myself the way I am now?  I hate my body! There is no way I would love myself the way I am now, besides if I allow myself to love me now, then I fear I will just be even more out of control with food!”

I understand. I get you. I know this step may be very scary for you. The truth is that YOU CAN’T HATE YOURSELF HAPPY. Hating yourself actually keeps you stuck in unhealthy habits, emotional eating and not having the desire to do the healthy things like making healthier food choices, moving your body, or taking time for you. What you need is a little relief, comfort, and acceptance. So that is where we start in overcoming and breaking through!

How do you begin to love yourself?

I have just the thing to help you bridge the gap from hating yourself to loving yourself. Most women honestly are not able to go from hating to love themselves overnight. So, to break through the self-hate and body shaming thoughts, we start with baby steps.

Your first baby step is acceptance.

If you can’t feel love for yourself, then start with acceptance. Start with accepting who you are now and where you have been. If you don’t feel willing to accept yourself the way you are now, today, start with PARTS of you. Make a list every day of three things you accept about yourself—your features or your character. This will begin re-training your brain to look more towards the positive. Start giving yourself a little relief so that your desire to do the healthy things: think kinder thoughts, eat healthier, move your body more, will start to flow again.   Yes, being kind to you actually inspires motivation!

Once you are grounded in acceptance then move to liking yourself or liking parts of you. Then the liking yourself easily transforms to loving yourself!

You see this journey HAS to be built on unconditional love for yourself, the you, you are now, today, instead of hate or conditional love. What you have been doing has not worked. Hating yourself has not worked. In fact, if you are like many of the women I work with the hating yourself may actually be causing you to be more emotional and then to want to emotional eating more, spend more, or drink more; leading to more thoughts that beat you down .. a body hatred cycle! The hating yourself is keeping you stuck in emotional eating and unhappiness.

Let go of the hate and body shaming. Start accepting the you that you are right now…the you that you are today. Because, you are enough and lovable just the way you are. Stop the self-hate. Start accepting yourself.  Start liking yourself.  Start loving yourself and you will naturally achieve your ideal wellness!

The journey to your personalized wellness solution is an inside job. Your breakthrough has to be based in being kind to yourself and eventually truly loving who you are no matter your size or weight. That unconditional love for yourself helps you stay willing to do the healthy behaviors that lead to your ideal wellness.

Here is an example:

Just for today I accept:

  1.    I have curly blonde hair.
  2.    That I have beautiful blue eyes.
  3.    I have cankles and I accept them! I am grateful for my cankles, because I will never have ankle problems because they are strong!

Give yourself this gift. Take just one baby-step forward. What are your 3 things you accept about yourself? Take a moment to write yours down now.

Have a Blissfully Healthy Day!

With Love and Gratitude Always,  Coach Emmie

P.S.   You’re invited to connect with me.  Together we will discover if coaching is the right fit for you from personalized coaching to a women’s-only community who understands the same issues you do.

Emotional Eating Coach - What is emotional eating?

“Why try again? I have gained the weight back too many times!”

“What makes this time any different? I have failed so many times, I am not worth the effort or the money to do this again…I will just gain the weight back anyways.” Sound familiar? Depending on how many times you have lost the weight and gained it back you may absolutely have lots of reasons not to try again. You may even have plenty of reasons that you are not ‘worth it’ to take the time, and do what it takes to release the weight for good.

I understand that it can be scary trying again. You even might be thinking: “What if people see me lose the weight and I just gain it all back again plus more? I just can’t stand the embarrassment one more time! I would rather just stay fat.” Or, you may be thinking: “It’s so hard losing weight and sticking with it, I’m just not ready to do it all again.”
Staying put where you are now, what kind of life is that? In telling yourself these things above, how is it inspiring you into action? The truth is that this type of self-blame, shame, or not feeling worthy is just allowing you to stay stuck. Yes, absolutely facing fears and putting in the work can be a road block to feeling motivated to change.

Take a moment to think:

  • What are you expecting the weight loss process to look like?
  • Are you expecting that you have to jump in ALL at one time and go from eating
    whatever you want now to eating only broccoli and chicken until you reach your
    goal weight?
  • That you have to wake up at 5 am and workout, hardcore, 60-minutes every morning
    when you cant even remember the last time you moved your body for longer than 5
    minutes at one time?

Anything like these thoughts listed above creates a very harsh and drastic approach that an emotional eater will use to create a backlash of self-sabotage and binge eating. This harsh approach in not long-lasting and is not what we do at Blissfully Healthy.

What if you really saw that it CAN BE different for you? What if the whole weight loss process and overcoming emotional eating can actually look different and is EASIER than what you have done before? What are you expecting this process to look like?

When you work on overcoming the emotional eating, one step at a time, the journey is EASIER and FASTER. Releasing the weight for good is easier when you are not fighting the emotional eating. The hard road is doing what you have always done–another diet and another diet failure.
It’s time to get out of your own way!

I invite you to consider:

  • Why do you want to try again?
  • What are you expecting the weight loss process and overcoming emotional eating
    to be like?
  •  What if it could be different?
  • Looking at your past experiences and learning from those, this does not have to be an all or nothing approach. What facts or evidence can you stack up to start seeing that you can do this?There will never be the perfect time to get started on your weight loss, and more importantly, your emotional eating recovery journey. When you are ready, know that honoring your self is the greatest gift that you can give to you and the people you love.

Start thinking about:

* What would you like to change?
* Why do you want to make this change?
* What gets in the way of you achieving the results you want?

Remember the Daily Boost journal you started? Write down your thoughts to help you create your answers as well as writing down anything that inspires you!


“JUST for TODAY, I consider all the facts and reasons why I can do this! Just for today I consider why I want to do this. Just for today I consider that it can look different for me. Just for today I am willing to try, knowing that I am good enough. I AM WORTHY of having the best health and happiness that I yearn for! Just for today I am worthy no matter how many times I have tried before in my life to change. I am worth it to live the life I love. Just for today I give my self permission to be worth this! I am allowed to have my ONE life be the best it can be!”

Would you like to ask some questions, share your struggles and come up with solutions together? Reserve a FREE Discovery Session to see if weight-loss coaching is a good fit for you. You don’t have to do this alone!

It's Time to Take Better Care of YOU!

Do you want to release weight but emotional eating sabotages your healthy intentions?Are you scared to feel and therefore eat to feel better instead?

Do you find yourself thinking: 

“I don’t know how I’d get through the week if I didn’t have treats to make me feel better?”

Today, I am giving you another stepping stone that will guide you on the path to breaking free. These are the very concepts that have worked for me as well as hundreds of my clients. I know that you want to lose weight. I know that you want to end emotional eating. And I know that the drive to use food is strong and many times just seems to overpower your weight-loss intentions.

Sometimes just thinking about the food not being there as you contemplate a weight-loss plan can trigger you into a panic… “I want to lose weight, but I don’t want to give up comfort foods!”

Then all of a sudden you may have a strong overtaking or hankering for your favorite binge foods. If just the thought of not having food to cope sends you into a downward spiral, I want you to know that you are not alone. YES you too, CAN have the transformation you want!

Let’s look at some questions to understand why you are holding onto comfort foods:

  • Are you overly stressed and not taking time for you?
  • Are you over-committing and saying yes to things you really want to say no to?
  • Do you find yourself feeling deprived?
  • What are you starving for in your life?

If these questions hit a chord in you, you are at the right place to discovering the problem.

You are you operating from an empty bucket.

Imagine your life is a bucket. When the bucket is full, your life is full of friendship, health, connection, happiness and life balance. When your bucket is empty, your life is stressful, chaotic and unfulfilling. When operating from an empty bucket emotional eating is a way you may use to try to fill up that bucket of emotional needs. But it just leaves you feeling empty and shameful about the seemingly uncontrollable behavior, so much so that you may even hide your emotional eating from others.

Does this sound familiar to you?

Feelings come up you don’t want to address, so you stuff them down with your comfort foods and the feeling is numbed out. But only temporarily. The feelings come back up and again you stuff them down, once again you feel tranquilized or numbed out for a short time. This happens over and over again while your weight goes up and up. You may know that the truth is there is not enough food in the world to fill the void that you are feeling… the way out of these feelings you are trying to avoid is through. Feeling is healing.

Start by NOT setting an expectation of yourself to deal with all the emotions that come up right now if you are not ready. You don’t have to do it ALL right now, just some. The great news is there is a way for you to overeat less, AND yes, release weight through the process of feeling to heal!

In order to use less food we start with increasing the strength of your ability to cope without food by building up your own self-care.

Permission to BINGE!

Going on a diet requires that you first take away. Take away all the bad foods, take away the comfort that you get from emotional eating, take away the pleasure of disassociating from the emotions you don’ t want to feel.

The problem with this is that you are already operating from an empty bucket! Going on a diet for an emotional eater is like punching a hole in your life-fulfillment bucket. Now you not only have an empty bucket, you have an empty bucket with a hole that no matter how much you fill it, (emotional eating) it will always remain empty… until you fix the hole.

When you go on a weight-loss plan without ADDING in enjoyment first, you are punching holes in your bucket and the drive to use food will return with a vengeance! This is called the “Diet Binge Backlash” that you may be very familiar with.

This is why in my coaching I stress the importance of ADDING in first, not taking away. We need to mend the hole by adding in more joy, fun and excitement in your life so that you can let go of the need to use food. And the great thing is that IT WORKS!

So, today I invite you to ADD in Self-Care.

100 Acts of Self-Care in 20 days!

What are you thinking…?

  • “What!?! No, I will do nice things for myself when I lose some weight.”
  • “If I take time for me it will take away from others and they will get upset.”
  • “I don’t deserve to get my nails done until I lose some weight.”
  • “Holy cow that is another thing to do with everything I already have going on in my life. I can’t do that.”
  • “Being critical of myself is the only thing that is keeping me from NOT going even more hog wild!”

You are not alone, so many of my clients share the same concerns. ADDING in self-care may scare you. It may feel awkward or you may feel undeserving until you ‘ do better’ or lose some weight. I understand your fear and hesitation in this. It’s ok to take care of you now. You are wonderful just as you are! At the same time you are not going to stay here, stuck in emotional eating. You deserve a better life!

Letting go of self-hatred will not lead you into an unstoppable binge, it will actually provide you the relief that you need to start letting go of the drive to emotionally eat to meet your needs that you are starving for.

Denying yourself the kindness of self-care is withholding love and acceptance for yourself, which creates that empty bucket, the hole in the empty bucket and leads to emotional eating. Letting go of self-hatred will not lead you into an unstoppable binge, instead it will actually provide you the relief that you need to start letting go of the drive to emotionally eat because your needs are fulfilled.

You are worthy to do something as simple as putting on lipstick because it makes you feel pretty today. Just as you are today, you are worthy of self-acceptance and love.

Put yourself back on the priority list!

Indulge yourself in your own unconditional love. Let go of the expectation to feel it all right now and trust that by being full of self-acceptance and self-love that your bucket will be mended so that you can start filling it up! Doing soul nurturing activities starts the path to being able to use less food and release the weight for good.

Are you committed to your Self-Care Binge?

What are your 5 Acts of Self-Care that you will do over the next 20 days?

Here are some ideas to help get you started:

  • Put on lipstick
  • Buy new underwear! (When was the last time you bought new underwear?)
  • Guilt-free relaxing in silence
  • Get a massage
  • Sleep in
  • Slow down and enjoy a nice cup of tea
  • Buy a new beautiful pen to write with
  • Buy some new fluffy slippers
  • Have a long talk with a good friend
  • Listen to your favorite song
  • Enjoy a new pair of socks. (I love the softness of new socks!)

Here is your Anchor Statement:

“JUST for TODAY I am deciding to be kind to myself and appreciate this body I have. I am grateful that I have another day to live, to love those in my life–including myself! Just for today I am deciding to start with doing five acts of self-care each day so that I mend and fill up my bucket with a rich soul nurturing feeling. I know that when I take care of me, I FEEL loved and positive and then I want to make healthier choices which creates my weight-loss transformation!”

Wishing you a Blissfully Healthy day today!

With Love Always,

Motivational Speaker, Blogger & Certified Women’s Weight Loss Coach
Blissfully Healthy Women’s Weight-Loss Center

Are you thinking about if weight loss coaching is right for you?

Feel free to ask me questions, share your struggles and come up with solutions together.  Schedule a FREE Discovery Session. 

Together we can discover if coaching is the right fit for you to achieve a Blissfully Healthy Life. With personalized coaching from a women’s-only coach and community–who understands the same challenges you do–you can be free! Release the extra weight and the emotional eating. Finally find something that you can stick with and achieve real results!  You don’t have to do this alone.  I look forward to hearing from you!